Xiaoniu 小妞

…and one step back. Last night was not a good night. It was the hardest for me and not that great for Emelia. She went down around 7pm, but didn’t go to sleep for a while. It took about 40 minutes this time. Then she was awake and crying again in less than 50 minutes. Off and one for quite a while. I say last night is worse than before because she would wake up more often and sleep less. Instead of sleeping 3 hours straight she would go 1.5 hours and then cry for a bit.

By morning we were (or at least I was) exhausted and was able to coax Sue into getting up and having her wake me up. That way the alarm would not wake up the little one. It worked and she got up when I did just before 6:30. With the lack of decent sleep and fussiness her eyes were crusty and puffy. It went away pretty quickly, but it looks like we’re torturing her.

And as I said this was the worst night for me. I’m supposed to be the strong one here and I was just about ready to give up at one point. It breaks your heart to hear a baby cry. It hurts worse to walk into a room and see her sitting or standing while crying with her eyes closed. I think that is what almost did it for me, but I don’t think it fair to give up now. We’ve started something and need to see it through. Otherwise, things could be worse later on.

To keep my spirits up I usually talk with coworkers and other acquaintances about their experiences doing the same thing. Every time I’m told that it does get better, but it takes time to adjust. “You’ve turned her world upside down and it’ll take time to settle into a new routine.” I can’t agree more.

My boss said that his older son transitioned quickly, but his younger son took longer. He said, “Stick with it and be consistent. Read your psychology books and see that being consistent is the best route. Give in one time and you’ll make things worse.” I’ve read about this many times and agree that consistency is best.

Another person at daycare said it was good and that we shouldn’t give up so soon. She said to give Emelia at least a week before we expect to see an improvement. She exhaust herself and start sleeping more.

My fingers are still crossed. Perhaps today and tomorrow night we’ll take two more steps forward instead of back.

One side effect of all this that I did not think of before is how it would impact what Sue and I do in the late evening. Obviously I spend time taking care of the little one, but we are still left with more time and freedom within the house than we’ve had in many months. At first we spent time trying to enjoy a movie and read, but that was futile. It is impossible to enjoy anything when you know you are the cause of the crying baby. Even when she’s quietly asleep you feel guilty.

Last night we did some chores, which helped. Dishes, cleaning, and laundry had to get done and so we spent a good part of the night taking care of those chores. Afterwards Sue got into one of her movies and I caught up on reading old blog posts and ripping my CD collection. This part feels a bit unreal. Surreal maybe.