Xiaoniu 小妞

If there is one thing that can ruin a day it is getting a very poor night of sleep. I hear all the insomniacs out there nodding their heads in agreement (and sleepiness). Last night was my night of sleeplessness.

Our little bundle of joy sleeps in bed with us and has been doing so since birth. We tried to get her to sleep in her cradle, but after a couple weeks of failures we gave up and gave in to the need to sleep. So, last night we make our way to bed and Sue puts a fussy Emelia down. I’m exhausted so I hit the sheets with the baby. Sue is not feeling well and is coughing at night so she made herself scarce for a while.

Not ten minutes later Xiaomei wakes up crying. It wasn’t until a little later we discover why. She had a “blowout”. You can’t blame her for not being comfortable laying in all that. Too bad we didn’t hear it or we would have had less clean up.

For a good 15-30 minutes we spend sleepy-eyed washing, cleaning and changing sheets. Baby clothes removed, baby washed and re-diapered. Back to bed with you. Oh wait, it leaked out a bit. Yank the sheets off and attach a new set. Then I get to cleaning up the mess. Poopy bath water cleanup, wet bath rug cleanup and plenty of scrubbing to get poop out of the baby clothes.

It’s now well passed 11pm and we’re all exhausted. Baby is asleep and we re-assume our positions. I can’t sleep. Heartburn this time. Some Tums are in order. Back to bed.

The little one woke up at least two times during the night, but I for the life of me couldn’t tell you when or what happened. Too tired. Some how this morning I woke up in bed without a baby or wife. They exited sometime in the night.

Now I’m at work trying to keep the slight coffee buzz going long enough to make it through the day. It doesn’t take much to knock me off kilter and last night did me in a bit. I believe Sue isn’t feeling to good either with lack of sleep on top of not feeling well.

This has got me to thinking about sleeping arrangements. As I mentioned we tried getting Emelia into her own bed, but we stopped for convenience of feeding and sleeplessness reasons. Now, she’s over 6 months old. What do we do now?

I’ve spoke with coworkers that have similarly aged babies and they all have the baby in cribs unless the baby is sick or they just feel like having the baby with them. Ferberization is a common term thrown around. One coworker has successfully used the Ferber Method to get his daughter out of the bed, but recently has indicated that sharing a bed is becoming a more common sleeping arrangement in his house. So, is it worth the effort and discomfort? Is it sustainable? Is it natural?

I’ve been trying to read up more on the Ferber method, but the more I read the less I think it’ll be helpful or even possible. There is no doubt that eventually the method will work, but at what cost? Emelia has proven time and time again that she has a very strong will. We’ve experienced crying screaming sessions in the car that have lasted for over 30 minutes even with parental comforting the entire time. How long will she go when in the crib with infrequent comforting? I cringe thinking of how long she can go for. I have a feeling that she’s very capable of lasting for longer than 60 minutes without a break in screaming.

I know Amy is going to say “I told you it would be tough!” after she reads this. I’ve been on her case for years about getting James out of her bed and into a crib and now I’m second guessing my thoughts on the subject. A Slate article by Robert Wright puts up a pretty good argument against Ferberization. Wright puts up an argument for a shared family bed, indicating that it is a natural arrangement. He’s got a point.

So, where does this leave me/us? It might be easiest and best to just leave the current arrangement in place. A bigger and more spacious King size bed may be in order, but it might not be the right time to change things up. Not just yet. I may change my mind again tomorrow. I still strongly believe that at some point a kid needs to be in his/her own bed, but 6 months old may not be the right time. One year? One and a half year? Two? Who knows. Maybe it’ll be easier once there is no more breast feeding.

For now I’m just going to suck it up and leave things as they are. It is working and not too inconvenient. Although, I still think a bigger bed is necessary. Have you ever tried to get a good night of sleep on a queen size with two adults and an infant in between? You never get into deep sleep and you never move for fear of rolling onto and crushing or suffocating the little one. These are the sacrifices we make for kids.

One last thing. I forgot to mention that sharing a bed with the baby is a very common thing in China. I believe a lot of it has to do with lack of heat in winter, but then again maybe not. I know that Lily’s sister sleeps with all three kids in the same room. The youngest gets to be in bed with mom and dad. Makes you wonder how they made all three. Good timing I suppose. Emelia doesn’t seem to mind. And Lily’s sister’s kids don’t seem to mind yet either. Their argument is that they enjoy having the kids close and when the kids get older they won’t want to sleep with mom and dad. That’ll be lost after that point, so get the time in when they’re young.